Where ever Blaine is given the opportunity to speak, he does so with honesty and utter transparency. He often takes time for Q&A afterwards. This is a collection of the most common questions Blaine has been asked over the last several years.
IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE COMPLETELY FREE FROM PORNOGRAPHY?
The answer is yes… and no. Yes, if you take this deadly epidemic seriously and are willing to do the hard work of resurrection. No, if you think a wing and a prayer will take it away. I summoned everything I had. Read everything I could read. Listened to everything I could listen to. Met with everyone I could meet with. And opened my heart completely to authentic, earth moving, life altering resurrection. Today I am completely free and have been for years. You can be too.
Let’s chop some wood together!
WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING IN AN ADDICTION RECOVERY CENTER?
Life in my first 30 days of rehab was what I can only call being on “the bright side of disaster.” In my first meeting with one of the leading sexual addiction therapists in America, he told me he had never heard a story quite like mine and that I was “the poster child for sexual addiction in America.” Rehab was literally 12 hours and day, 6 days a week of non-stop digging into the deepest parts of my soul. Answering questions I’d never been asked. Finding answers I would have never come up with on my own. When I walked out at the end of 30 days, I was still in the grave but my heart had started to beat again.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHURCH YOU WERE PASTORING WHEN YOU CONFESSED AND RESIGNED?
First, I loved our wonderful church community in Frisco, Texas. I still have so many friends from our church that have loved me through my recovery. I resigned from Northstar Church in March of 2010, just a few days away from Good Friday. How appropriate right? We had planted the church 3 years earlier and had just moved into our brand new building. Thankfully I had a wonderful board of Elders who transitioned the leadership of Northstar into the capable and caring hands of Pastor Robert Morris and Gateway Church in Dallas. They adopted the Northstar community as one of their extension campus’s and it has been thriving every since.
AFTER GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE, DO YOU STILL FEEL QUALIFIED FOR MINISTRY?
There is nothing more painful in all the world than divorce. In the aftermath of mine, I felt completely disqualified and incapable of leading others again. It literally took years to find the grace and faith to see that God could use my story to help others. One of the pastors who discipled me through my recovery told me this, “Blaine, our calling is often found in our conquering.” I truly believe that God has raised me up to help men find their “comeback spirit” and live free from sexual brokenness.
HOW DID YOUR THREE BOYS REACT TO YOUR CONFESSION?
Each of my three beautiful sons reacted differently. There was a range of response and emotion, including anger, compassion and shock. The pain I brought into their lives and all of my family reduced me to a continual stream of tears for weeks on end. I could not stop pain. Though each of them have shown me a love I could never deserve, it has taken years to regain their trust and respect. Today, I am closer to each of them than ever before. And I am forever grateful for their gift of encouragement and friendship.
ISN’T THE TERM “SEX ADDICTION” JUST A LABEL TO JUSTIFY SINFUL BEHAVIOR?
First, sexual addiction is a real thing. And it is extremely complicated. The biblical counterpart to the word addiction is “stronghold.” The Apostle Paul talks about this in his second letter to the Corinthians when he tells them that the weapons of our spiritual warfare are able to break the strongholds in life. That’s what an addiction is: a STRONG HOLD. But this does not give the addict an excuse to remain in the chains of sin. Nor does giving any behavior a clinical diagnoses make it acceptable or justified. Addictions can be broken, but I believe it takes more than just breezing through a 12 step program to genuinely find life that is worth living again.
HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE LORI?
Match.com!! Haha. I learned how to live single and free from sexual addiction for four years before meeting Lori. I knew I needed a partner in my life. I just felt incomplete. Anyways, I was having trouble meeting someone… anyone… that seemed compatible with my life and accept and understand my past. One of my pastoral mentors suggested I carefully explore some online dating sites. Our first date was at Tia Amos Italian restaurant in Tulsa. Lori told me that the two things she liked most about me on our first date was my cologne and my shoes. There you go guys… smell good and dress good, right? The rest is history. Lori is my pure joy!
HOW COULD YOU CONTINUE TO PREACH AND PASTOR WHILE LIVING YOUR SECRET LIFE?
That is a great question. I lived in the private world of porn and sexual addiction for more than 20 years… all the while leading a very public life as a Christian leader. Did I feel like a complete hypocrite? Yes. Was I? I really don’t think so. The word hypocrite was originally used by the Greeks to describe a stage actor in a play. My faith was never acting for me. I genuinely loved Jesus and desperately wanted to be free of my sexual sin. I hated myself for continually repenting and falling and repenting and falling. I guess I just kept preaching and hoping one day I would find the miracle of freedom. When I finally came to the end of myself and realized my life was about to completely collapse, it was time to confess and get real help.
I’VE HEARD SOME PRETTY FAR-FETCHED RUMORS ABOUT YOUR PAST SINS. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
I was messed up pretty bad. I had become two different people and literally created a second hidden identity and life. I am ashamed of my past and how deep I allowed myself to fall into the sexual underworld, but there is nothing I can do to change that now. I really don’t like to talk about it today, but feel an obligation to be honest about it in my book and at men’s events. Why? Because it was the honesty and transparency of others that inspired hope in me for freedom from my own pain and addiction. And there is a certain amount of healing that comes from a full and truthful confession.
WHY DO YOU THINK SO MANY POPULAR MINISTERS FALL INTO IMMORALITY?
It’s really pretty simple. Pastors and ministers are put on a moral pedestal, both by their followers and often by their own actions and words. They begin to feel any admission of sin in their lives (other than the “minor” ones) will either cause them to lose their spiritual status or worse — their jobs. And here’s the simple truth: if you can’t be honest with someone about your struggles, you are headed for a colossal crisis. Many popular ministers are so driven by achievement and exhausted from their work that they begin to adopt a sense of entitlement. It is then that some begin justifying forms of indulgement. The “I work hard and deserve a little pleasure” internal mantra isn’t just a minister’s problem though. This sense of privilege can enter into any man’s life. This is why one of the most rewarding parts of my coaching today is with ministers that are coming to me for help before it is too late. And they know they can trust me with their stories, because I’ve been there.
DO YOU STILL GET TEMPTED WITH THE SINS OF YOUR FORMER LIFE?
Of course. But the temptation is different today than it was before. The best way I can explain it is like this. In my former days, the temptation was a continual loud screaming in my head every morning, afternoon and evening that would never stop. Today it is more like an occasional faint whisper. It simply doesn’t have the voice or power in my mind that it had before. And more importantly, I don’t allow that whisper to be amplified any louder by giving it space to grow in my head. I’ve discovered so many practical prayers, tools and activity to mute the voice.
HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO HAVE YOU SPEAK TO OUR CHURCH, CONFERENCE OR MEN’S GROUP?
I don’t have a certain fee for my speaking. I realize that different churches and conferences have to work within the confines of different budgets. And I don’t want to limit my story and the potential it has to change lives to a financial transaction. So if you are interested in having me speak at a service or event you are planning, just click here and complete this form and I will get back to you within 24 hours. I look forward to serving your church or organization any way I can.