You can’t con a former con


As I listened to his account of what and how things happened in his life, something didn’t ring true. A con was in play. 


Here’s what he didn’t understand. He wasn’t talking to some newcomer or novice to this game. There was a time I was exactly where he was — only deeper. 


I knew how to lie. I knew how reverse blame. I knew how to throw up a false flag. 


You can’t con a former con. 


Talking to his wife days later, the truth about this man and his lies were exposed. 


Someone once said, "Like a lumbering boulder rolling down a hill, truth will win out in spite of man's opposition. It may be hindered, but it is impossible to stop."


Do you want to know the greatest truth I’ve learned in my resurrection out of the death spiral of pornography and sexual addition? 


Tell the damn truth.

(I put damn in this sentence to get your attention. Did it? Because believing this will change your life.)


The first belief I drill into every guy I coach is the belief that honesty is your best friend.Why? Because addicts are liars. 


I had to lie. I had too much to hide. Too much I didn’t want anyone to see. Or know about. I learned to how to lie well. With a smile on my face. And without a hint of hesitation in my voice. 


In fact, that’s exactly what addiction is. It is the belief that a lying life is easier to manage than a truthful life.


We lie to ourselves. “This really isn’t hurting me that much.”
We lie to others. “I’m wonderful, thanks for asking.” 
We lie to God. “Just you and me Lord. We can beat this all alone.”


Quit the con. Stop the lies. Throw yourself into the safe arms of truth and an honest admission of your desperate need for help. 


Just before going to print, I re-named my new book. I’ll let you in on the new title.




Because in the end, it wasn’t the addiction that killed me. It was the lies. 


Freedom was waiting to be had… as soon as I dared to utter the truth. 


I sinned.
I wasn't a victim.
I chose the life I was living.
I had learned how to live with my lies.  
My only hope for lasting freedom was honesty and humility. 


My new favorite quote is one I read recently by an amazing writer named Rachel Wolchin,


“Before the truth can set you free, you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.”


I pray for us today. 

That Jesus would help us see through the facades we create… and to stop believing the facades we have put up are actually true. May we drop the masquerade. And allow our hearts and lives to be seen for exactly who we are. That place where Jesus is invited to see His truth to do it’s ultimate work.


Setting us free. 

I love when I hear back from you. Your thoughts. Your questions. Perhaps a plea for help. There are resources links below and jump into the comments as well.




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