An Open Letter to my Critics

Dear ________________, (fill in your name if you have ever thought I could do better) 


Thank you for letting your voice be heard.


I used to avoid you. 


I threw your letters in the garbage can and sent your emails to the trash.


But the older (and hopefully wiser) I have got, the more I have leaned into what others see about me, that I often miss. 


I received an email from one of you today. Here’s a part of what you had to say.


“For a long time I would get frustrated (with you) because I could not afford you for a day to help me out, but it didn't seem like you were willing to offer any help at all without a fee.”


That stung. 


Not because you were mean in your approach. You were actually quite gracious. 


It stung... because it was true.


You aren’t the first one to express frustration about the costs involved in hiring me as a coach. I’ve had dozens of guys who were turned on to my coaching by one of my clients or friends, only to drop off the radar when they discovered my fee schedule. 


You know what I think about all this? 


Bluntly… it sucks. And it breaks my heart. 


Because I’ve been in financial crisis. I literally went broke during my crisis. I remember having to borrow money from a good friend just to get through one month. It was humbling and deflating. 


Always remembering the struggle I went through, I have done my level best to make my fees as reasonable as possible. In fact, the money I earn today is 1/3 of my past salaries in churches. 


Why do I keep doing it? 


Because I am absolutely passionate about helping men find their life again. I love it so much that I would do it for free. 


And I told God that today. After reading this email, I dropped my head and asked the Lord to make a way for us to help the men that simply can’t afford the cost. 


It was a short prayer. That brought a short answer. 


In that moment, I heard the Spirit whisper.


“Give the month of March away.”


Huh... really?


Here’s what’s crazy. I am booked like crazy in February. And then April through the end of the summer is blowing up with meetings and clients. 


But March is virtually empty. 


So my response was this… “Ok Lord, March is yours. Bring the men who need it most.” 


As soon as I made that commitment, I knew intuitively what I had to do next.Because April will come around and there will by more men calling in a crisis. 

Here's what we must do.


Lori and I have to raise a baseline monthly income, provided by friends, supporters and churches that believe in what we are doing. If we were able to generate $3000 in monthly support, we would instantly have the ability to coach any man — any month, regardless of his ability to cover the costs. 


In effect, this would become scholarship funding for those in desperate need. 


I’ll end with part of another email that showed up in my inbox today.


“Greetings my mentor! I can't state how much our coaching day, almost 120 days ago, has meant to me. I continue to experience Resurrection in my recovery from sexual addiction and brokenness. I just smile.....and cry....tears of joy and thankfulness. No more women. No more one night stands. No porn. Just quiet, peaceful serenity. Devotion to Jesus. Keep up the good work my friend. You touched my life! Thank you!”


Through my tears, I gently tapped the keys of my computer in response… “Reading this filled my heart with joy. Thank you!” 


These are the outcomes I live for… I pray for… I work for… every single day. 


Can I leave you with two sincere requests?


1. Will you let me know if you need coaching, but are lacking funds?


If you are ready to commit to the coaching you need to live free of porn or sexual vice, I have set aside the month of March for you. All you have to do is email me at and we will set up our first confidential coaching conversation. 


2. If you believe in what we are doing, would you consider helping us raise a baseline monthly support?


We would be so grateful. In fact, I will do an end zone happy dance in the kitchen if we can reach our goal of $3000 in monthly support.


If you are interested in joining us in this effort, please visit our donation page HERE. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to email me at and I will respond in kind. 


Final note:  One the primary reasons I write these blogs is to spark something in you to respond... even write back. Many of you do shoot me messages back and I love reading what you have to say. Without trying to be corny, I have to tell you that I am here today because of friends like you. You’ve encouraged me through decades of ministry labor and somehow, the burden has felt lighter because of your support... and your stories.


One of the questions I’ve been asked often is how I have been able to stay so hopeful, in the midst of my struggles, failure and opposition. My response has always been… if you knew my friends and family… you’d be hopeful too.


Much love,



If you need marital or addiction coaching...  click here and discover your path to complete healing.


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If you would like to support us financially... click here and thank you for helping us make a difference in the lives of those who are fighting for freedom from addiction.