This threw me into hiding forever.
I had a good friend in Florida who was an amazing student pastor. One day I called him on the phone and found out he was no longer at the church. After days of trying to track him down, we finally spoke.
His story crushed me.
He had confided in a friend of his at his church about his struggle with pornography. He wanted prayer and help.
Within a few hours, he was in his pastor's office getting fired. The entire church was informed of his sin the following Sunday.
Twenty years have passed. He has never returned to ministry.
My heart broke for him and his precious wife and children.
But there was another emotion that steamrolled me after I hung up the phone.
I was in the very beginnings of my struggle with porn as a young minister. And that one phone call told me everything I needed to know about my growing enslavement to my sin.
Dont. Tell. Anyone.
From that moment forward, I was determined to find a way to overcome this secret obsession.
Because you can't trust anyone. Especially the church. At least that was the lesson I had learned.
I remember thinking over and over again, "If I could just find some anonymous counselor, I would tell them everything."
If you are struggling with porn or some other secret in your life, I want to throw you a life preserver of hope.
Your sin and struggles do not have to be exposed to the world. The scripture bears this out.
"Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
Proverbs 17:9 NIV
Covering an offense does not imply ignoring the sin or it's consequences. It simply means the confessor can trust their friend, counselor or leader to protect them as they seek freedom.
We've all heard of the adage, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Oh that this would apply in helping our brothers and sisters in our church communities.
This is precisely why the first thing I do with any man I am coaching out of sexual sin is look him in the eye and tell him, "Your secrets are safe with me. Whoever else you share them with is completely up to you." And then we sign a confidentiality agreement together.
I will go to the grave with a thousand secrets from a thousand men. Because I am committed to being a trusted friend and brother.
The truth is, there are very few people we can trust with our innermost struggles and secrets.
With all that said, now let me lay down the hard truth.
You must find the right person in your life to trust with the secrets of your story. You will never beat this enemy of the soul alone.
The text urges us...
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
James 5:16 NIV
There is healing and restoration in the honesty of our admission for help.
Through deep prayer.
Following by compassionate guidance.
And a brother who will get in the trenches with you.
If you are struggling today and need a brother... a friend... a mentor to help guide you out of this terrible secret life, I am here for you.
Decide right now you're going to have the courage to reach out.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Not only can you trust me with your secrets, but you can also trust me to equip you with the beliefs, tools and practices to make sure they become a thing of the past.
All the info on my coaching work is right here.
This decision you make today... right now... could alter your life forever.
May God grace you with courage today,
PS. Beginning the end of January, I am leading two recovery groups for guys who are serious about ending porn in their life.
ne in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
The second will be an Online Group for men all over the nation.
Space is limited to 12 men in each group. There is a small fee to join. Both groups are close to being filled, so if you have a desire to participate, don't wait --- shoot me a personal email at email@example.com and I will send you all the details.
If you would like to support us financially... click here and thank you for helping us make a difference in the lives of those who are fighting for freedom from addiction.